Manners for Your Holiday Happenings

My Simple Guide to What to Wear was a big hit last week. Thanks for all the sweet e-mails.

Along with them were more clothing dilemma questions that all of us will face now or sometime soon. So, I've included those for us this week along with a great question about what to say when someone asks you why you aren't coming to their party!

Should you list suggested attire on your invitation, or is that rude?

If you ask your host what you should wear, do you look socially uneducated?

How do you nicely respond when a host asks you why you're not attending his party?

Enjoy the column! Until next week, I'll be continuing to train my puppy (and my children)!


Manners for Your Holiday Happenings
Column suggestions flooded my in-box this week. All of them are fantastic questions! Thank you to each and everyone who wrote!

Here are some questions perfect for this week as we all begin to plan our holiday happenings. The first five have to do with attire, the last one is about how to respond if a host wants to know why you're not coming to his or her party.

Is it nicer to put suggested attire on an invitation or to let people come as they wish?

This is an easy one! Always put what you'd like people to wear. You might think you're being accommodating by not mentioning suggested attire. What it really does is make guests have to think twice as hard to guess what everyone will be wearing.

Then at the party, half the guests will be dressed up and looking at the other half of the crowd thinking, "Why did I get all dressed up? I could have worn my comfy clothes." Meanwhile the casual crowd is thinking, "Boy, I look frumpy. If I had guessed people were going to dress up, I would have too!"

Can ladies wear pants to a semi-formal or formal event?

For semi-formal events, they're fine, as long as they're dressier than usual. Look for pants that are made of light, flowing fabric with wider legs than for everyday wear. For "Formal" events, long dresses are the standard choice.

What would be the best way to describe something for a dinner party for career adults that is better than standard office wear but not dressy?

I would choose, "Business Attire," hoping my guests understood that means to dress like an executive in a traditional firm. If they tend to dress a little more causally, I might choose "Semi-formal."

Can I ask my host what to wear if nothing's mentioned on the invitation? I don't want to seem like I don't know the right way to dress.

It's actually good manners to ask. You compliment the host or hostess by sending the message that you want to look your best at their event. "Jan, I want to look great for your party! What do you think your other guests will be wearing?" Or, "Jan, what are you wearing to the party? I want to look my best!"

What about adding the word "Christmas" or "Holiday" to attire suggestions, as in, "Holiday Casual"?

Nope, not needed! Any event happening between the day after Thanksgiving and New Year's Day is automatically a holiday event. It can be assumed that if your clothing fits into the standard category that the host chose, "Business," "Casual," etc., then you're free to add in your special Holiday clothing or accessories.