On several occasions when I had to RSVP that I couldn't attend a party, the host asked me, "Why not?" Do you have any scripted answers for the next time this happens?
Answer: Your question brings up a great learning point for every host. When someone declines our invitation, it's gracious not to put him or her in the awkward place of having to explain.
We should bite our tongue to keep from asking, "Why?" It's kinder to just say, "You'll be missed!" Or, "Thanks for letting me know. I hope you'll be able to make it next time!" This way we make sure we're not forcing the issue.
Truthful stock answers for when someone insists on knowing our reasons are nonexistent if the reason we don't want to attend is less than flattering to the host. Here are a few things to help:
RSVP by e-mail when an e-mail address is given on the invitation. It avoids the back-to-back questioning that can occur in a conversation.
If you're caught by the host in person say, "May I let you know by e-mail in the next day or so?"
When cornered by the host in person, pay him or her a compliment, be vague, repeat yourself if needed, and be ready to change the subject. "You're always so kind to invite us, Jen! Thanks again for asking. This year we want to spend quiet evenings at home. What about you? Are you going to Michigan to visit your mom like last year?"
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