Five Ways to Shine When Everyone Seems to Be Talking at Once
Greetings!
Welcome! Thank you for dropping in to visit. It’s always a joy to be with you and I hope your day will be a great one!
I always enjoy Wednesdays. I reevaluate my week’s schedule and see how far I’ve come (or not!) and where I need to get in the next 48 hours. After all, it’s just a hop, skip, and jump from today to the weekend!
You know that here on our blog Wednesday means its Reader Q & A day, and today’s question is a great one! (It’s OK that I say that. Since I didn’t write the question, it isn’t bragging, it’s complimenting!)
Today’s quandary is about handling multiple conversations at once. It’s great knowing how to handle this with skill and ease because it’s par for the course of our everyday interactions. Each time we enter a conversation and there’s more than one person in our general vicinity, we more often than not find ourselves in the middle of not one, but multiple discussions!
After reading today’s question, see if you relate to our blog family member as much as I do!
One note: There is something fun about this reader’s e-mail. It makes me want to gather up her and five or so friends and meet up at Starbucks for coffee and madelines (my favorite!). Anyone want to come along? I’m free this morning!
Your Want-to-Know Question!
Dear Maralee,
Love your blog!!!!
I have a couple of burning questions! When four of five women are in a car and one begins a conversation and another joins in, how do you handle it when a third woman begins a totally different topic and yet you’re already involved in the first conversation?
Another situation, place five, six, or more people at a table, and how do you deal with the person on one side of you talking to apparently anyone who will listen (as are some of the others)? You know the types: no real eye contact, just sweeping glances at anyone seated nearby and within hearing range. What if you’re trying to hear and converse with someone a bit down the table and you keep getting interrupted?
Please set this poor misguided soul straight!
Your Guide for How to Shine!
You’re not misguided at all! You want to make sure no one feels slighted by your lack of attention. That’s actually very gracious and others-centered. You’re also very right! It’s impossible to hold more than one conversation at a time. (Except for us moms who can talk to all our children at once. “Boys, why do I need to ask you every day to please put your shoes in your room? Marc, finish your math homework before you go outside to play. Corbett, Mommy said, ‘We’re going to eat in about ten minutes. No chips!’”)
This is fine for mom-speak, but use it on someone we didn’t give birth to and, well, we’re not going to earn any bonus points for our conversational skills. Here’s what you can say and do to handle multiple conversations with polish and help make sure no one feels left out!
These guidelines are meant more for adult meals/gatherings, not an average family dinner at home.
• At a table of four or more persons, definitely 6 or more, multiple conversations are to be expected. Focus your conversation mostly with the person directly on your left and right. In the old days, they used to do what they called “turn the table.” The hostess would turn to speak to the person on her right during the first course, then to the person on her left for the second course. Back-and-forth everyone would “turn” the conversation to focus on the person sitting on either side with each course.
• We’re not nearly as formal of a society anymore. You won’t see it put into strict practice. Personally, I think the idea is still a good one! I use it all the time! Why? People love receiving undivided attention, and that’s what this practice gifts your tablemates with.
• Forget about trying to speak to someone several seats away from you. To do so, the people between you have to bend back in their seat a little to allow you to make eye contact with the person you’re talking to. It’s awkward at best, and in order to hear each other, everyone has to raise their voices. All of a sudden your fun adult gathering shares the decibel level of a sixth-grade lunch room! Not polished!
• Rather, while dining, riding in a car, or engaging in conversation anywhere someone by you is speaking to everyone and no one in particular, stop them with kindness by inviting them to join your conversation. “Samantha, I know you were just asking if anyone saw the new Sandra Bullock movie, but Janice and I are talking about inexpensive vacations we could plan for our family this summer. Do you know of any?” Now, after your conversation about the vacation ideas runs its course, say something like, “Now, what were you saying about the Sandra Bullock movie?”
• You’ve just accomplished three great things. 1) You brought Samantha into your group. Everyone appreciates being invited in! 2) You didn’t interrupt your conversation with Janice, and 3) you had the next conversation idea (the Sandra Bullock movie) already in the pipeline!
Give these tips a try and whether you are at a table, in a car, in a boardroom, or waiting outside with all the other moms at your children’s third-grade classroom door, you’ll earn the reputation of a gracious, inviting leader!
Please join me Friday! I LOVE Friday’s post. It’s about Mother’s Day Manners. Whether you are a mom, want to be a mom, know a mom, have a good or unfortunate relationship with your mom, you’ll find value in these tips!
Before I go, here’s a bit of great news! We have a winner in our $150 American
Express Gift Card Blog Kickoff Contest! I used www.random.org to choose our
winner. She is Kimberli of Oklahoma!
A mom of six and busy blogger (with six children, I wouldn’t find time to fold laundry, much less blog!), Congratulations Kimberli! You must be a very special lady. Thank you for reading! I’m so happy you won and I hope to have the chance to meet you someday!
In fact, thanks to each of you for reading! I appreciate all of you so very much!
Please drop me a question or say, “Hello” anytime! If you’re new here, take just
a second and join our family by entering your e-mail address in the box at the
top right of this page.
See you all on Friday!
Blessings,
2 comments:
In the case of another speaker bringing up another topic, I think it is a good idea to provide more validation than mere acknowledgment of their presence or their topic. I like to let the first person to finish and then I turn to the other person and say, "I'm sorry to leave you hanging there. What did you want to say? It sounded interesting." I give the person full eye contact at the beginning, react non-verbally when appropriate (i.e., nod or shake head), provide hedge remarks or back-channeling (i.e., "umhmm" or "yeah") and involve the other person (the one who spoke at the beginning) by looking at her/him, as well. I don't want anyone to think their topic is more important than the other person's. I want all involved parties to feel like all of their topics are equally compelling (even if they aren't haha). I value my friends and their interests, so I TRY to show it by acknowledging, listening, and involving everyone when possible. (Wow, this comments looks like it was written by an extroverted person. That's scary, since I'm an introvert.)
You're so kind to share your tips for interacting with graciousness. It must be a special joy being in a conversation with you, it's obvious you put kind thought into purposly including those around you. I love what you added about the hedge remarks/back-channeling. It's a terrific auditory signal that the other person has your attention!
Thank you again for being part of our conversation!:)
All my best,
Maralee
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