Manners for the Three Most Common Embarrassing Situations

Good Monday Everyone!

What is the etiquette for common mishaps? We’ve all experienced them, so we can relate to the embarrassment of having spinach caught in our teeth, our zipper accidently undone, or a tag on our clothes sticking up.

They’re common calamities that mortify us and cause those with us to feel awkward because they don’t know what exactly to say or do, or if it’s better to pretend not to notice.

Sometimes when we bring the mishap to the attention of the other person, our kindness throws him a social life preserver!

Other times, our good intentions end up embarrassing the person to the point that her outward smile of thanks just might be covering the social noose she feels we’ve tightened around her neck.

Honestly, it’s hard to know what to do. I might always want to know; you might never want to know; your coworker or church mate might want to know some of the time, but not all the time. It’s pure personal preference.

The skills I have for you today are best practices with strangers. With others, use your sixth sense and alter them if you know the person well enough to know his or her preference.

Monday Morning Mentoring

The Three Most Common Etiquette Mishaps and Your Polished Responses!

What to do about spinach or something equally ugly stuck in your teeth?

A. If it’s in your teeth: Make one quick attempt at releasing it by moving your tongue over your teeth, followed by one attempt to swallow a sip of your drink to see if that will dislodge the offending element. If the one attempt doesn’t work, simply say, “Excuse me” to those at your table and go to the bathroom to do the rest of the dirty work. You don’t need to give an explanation to your tablemates either before you leave or when you return.

B. If it’s in the other person’s teeth: Whether or not you say anything depends on a few things. Are you alone with the other person, or are there others around? Do you know the person well, or are you basically strangers? Here are a few things you can do. First, keep in mind that people often subconsciously mirror the movements of those around them. Act as if there’s something lodged in your teeth, and your tablemate just might follow suit. If that doesn’t do the trick, if your tablemate is a new acquaintance, a client, potential client, or a high-ranking member of the business, social or church community that you don’t know very well, it’s best to act like you don’t notice. If it’s a friend or family member, you can say, “I always want to know when I have something stuck in my teeth. Do you agree?” As long as the answer is “yes,” then say, “I think you have something in yours.” Notice the way you would say, “I always want to know when…” lets the person know it’s happened to you before. The fact that you used the word think allows for some doubt, which helps alleviate his or her fear that the offending object is so large it’s going to appear on the latest Google earth images update.

What about when your zipper is unzipped?

A. If it happens to you: First, try to exit the room to zip up. If that’s not possible, try to head to the corner of the room or at least turn your back on the people you’re talking with. When you turn back around, simply say, “Excuse me. I’m terribly embarrassed. Obviously that was an accident.” Hopefully, admitting you’re embarrassed will keep others from saying anything else. Without further comment, continue on with or change the subject.

B. If it happens to someone with you: Again, it’s situational, but most people really want (even need!) to know. If you’re a woman, and the person with the downed zipper is male, try to find a man to deliver the news. “Allen, I don’t want to embarrass Ryan. His pants are unzipped and he’d probably much rather hear it from you.” If there are no men nearby and the man is about to step on stage or into a meeting or room full of people, go ahead and tell him. Again, try to put yourself into the scenario so that the embarrassment is lessened. “James, I know I want to know when something I’m wearing is unzipped. I’m sure you would too before you step on stage.” I promise the man will immediately get your meaning! You can simply say, “You’re welcome! Please excuse me.” Then step away. Why say, “You’re welcome?” Because it’s a gracious way of letting him know he doesn’t need to say, “Thank you” or mention it again.

What about if someone’s tag is sticking up out of his or her shirt?

For some reason my tags stick up more than most people’s. Strangers all too often adjust them for me! Unless you know the person well enough that you’ve previously hugged, don’t adjust the tag. Those who do the adjusting think they’re being sweet, but the fact is, no one’s dignity is damaged because their size “Medium” tag is sticking up. It’s better to not pay any attention.

Here’s one quick true story. My friend and I were trying on outfits to wear to an event. I headed out of the dressing room and was waiting for my friend to join me. A man was standing with his wife at the cash register. As his wife’s order was being rung up, all of a sudden he came from behind me, put his hand on the nape of my neck, and pushed down my tag. With a smile he said, “Now you’re properly dressed.”

I don’t think he meant any harm; however, he scared the bejeebees out of me. It took me by such surprise that I merely muttered, “Thank you” and walked to the other end of the department…fast. It was only later that I thought of what I should have said. (Don’t you hate when you think of the perfect thing to say about ten hours too late!)

Only when etiquette is perverted does it make you a doormat. You can and should be polite, but naturally implied in etiquette is restraint (which he didn’t show) and clear boundaries. I should have said nicely, and I did the next time something similar happened, “Goodness, that was more startling than helpful.”

One last tip!

Humor is almost always a great way to rebound! Once a pastor of ours noticed about five minutes into his sermon that his pants were unzipped, thanks to his best friend coming up to the front row, sitting down, and discreetly holding up a small sign that simply said, “Check Zipper.” Our pastor immediately turned his back, zipped his pants, turned back to the congregation, and said, “Transparency in the church is a vital part of its success, don’t you agree?” Everyone laughed together. The gracious members of the congregation never felt the need that day, or any day, to mention the incident to him. Fun ribbing is never the better choice over forgetting!

There are so many other common situations we could have talked about, but this column was getting rather long. So, now it’s your turn! What things have happened to you, and how did you handle them, or how do you wish you had handled them differently? Comment and share with us. I’d love to hear from you!

By the way, we’re still working with our newborn blog on finding the best add-on program that allows me to answer readers’ comments. We think we might have found a solution this weekend. Please bear with me!

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See you all Wednesday for Readers’ Q & A! It’s a great one! Until then…

PS: You can find out about how Corbett's first every sleep over went by reading the comment section on Friday's post about eating French Onion soup!

Blessings,