Manners for Great Greetings

A Hug, a Kiss, or a Handshake? Manners for Greetings!


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This suggestion is from Jennine Harvey who's studying for her doctorate degree in Tennessee and wants to know the etiquette of various greetings (hug, cheek kiss, handshake, etc.) and which one is the best to use in various situations. Great questions, Jennine! Or should I say, "Dr. Harvey!"

How do you know if you're correct to offer your hand?

How can you preempt a known "hugger?"

Do you have to join in on the social cheek kissing?

The answers are here-

Shaking Hands

We probably don't shake hands as often as we should. That's unfortunate, because as the socially chosen form of personal contact between persons who aren't intimate with one another, every missed handshake is a missed opportunity to connect with that person.
Consider your handshake your personal olive branch. Be eager to extend your hand to welcome strangers, friends, acquaintances, and business associates.

When to shake hands:

When meeting someone for the first time

When greeting a friend or acquaintance you haven't seen in a week or so


When saying, "Goodbye" to someone that you shook hands with when you said, "Hello!"

If you're called on to introduce someone prior to them speaking, always shake the person's hand as they step to the microphone


At a banquet, prior to sitting, introduce yourself and shake hands with everyone who is at your table

If someone at your table is honored with an award or recognition, make sure to shake his or her hand as soon as you can politely do so after they return to the table


Savvy Handshaking Notes: When shaking hands, it's best to not pull the other person towards you during the handshake by touching their elbow or shoulder, or to cover their hand during the handshake with your other hand. Both of these are considered forms of wanting to one-up the other person, especially if you're just meeting or have a new friendship with the other person.

Especially for Men: In most cases, you no longer need to wait for a woman to extend her hand to you first. In a purely social setting you can choose to wait, but it's not necessary.

One exception is when interacting with Europeans, where a man, even in a business situation, does not extend his hand first.

Other exceptions are when meeting and greeting much older women who might not understand the evolution in etiquette, and also with Muslim woman because it's often considered improper for a man to touch a woman at all.

The Cheek Kiss

The social cheek kiss, so popular in much of the world, is trying desperately to catch on in the US. It hasn't reached our suburbs, small businesses, or corporate boardrooms yet, so it's best for you and me, at least for now, to leave it to the socialites and movie moguls!

The Social Hug

Some people are huggers; I'm one of them. So, I make it a point to constrain myself.

We just can't read the mind of the person we're meeting or greeting. They might seem really open to us, but yet might be put off by a hug. It's best not to place others in the awkward position of wanting to back away from us.

Men should never initiate a hug with a woman.

It's impolite to hug a bride during the wedding or reception.

Asking someone, "May I hug you?" might seem like a nice gesture on the surface, but if the answer is, "No," you've put him or her in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you they'd rather you didn't.

To preempt a known hugger, approach them with a big smile and your arm and hand extended for a handshake. If needed, you can even say, in your enthusiastic voice, "It's great to see you! Let me shake your hand!" as they approach you. These aren't guarantees against a hug, but they often help!