How do you get others to agree to not exchanging gifts this year?
What do you say if someone gives you a gift after promising not to?
You know store-bought items count as gifts, but is it OK to give something you've made?
Watching CNBC last week, I learned something that surprised me.
A Wall Street guru pointed out that one in every six jobs in the United States is dependent in some way on the housing market. That's a scary statistic; no wonder the economy is in turmoil.
We all know that home values are falling while the price of everything else is rising. To top it off, unemployment numbers are predicted to spike for at least the next two years.
The economy isn't just tight right now-it's scary. If you feel it's wise to hold on to a little more of your money than usual this season in case that proverbial rainy day is right around the corner, you're not alone.
Column suggestions continue to pour in, and almost 25% of your letters ask the same question in one way or another:
"How do I graciously let others know I don't have money to buy Christmas gifts like I've done in the past?"
It's a good question, and with Christmas just 66 days from today it's timely, too.
How is it that our list of Christmas gifts to buy can grow faster than Jack's beanstalk? We have our children, parents, step-parents, in-laws, distant relatives, friends, neighbors, co-workers, our children's friends and teachers, and on and on. It can be overwhelming and expensive.
No need to fret. There's a gracious way to spread the word that this Christmas you'll be showing your love with well wishes instead of trinkets and baubles.
Here's how-
Note: This is a lengthy topic and there isn't enough room to cover it all here. I'm planning a book that will include much more on this topic. I'll keep you posted on that project! Until then, here are the top tips!
Set Others' Expectations Now:
Thanksgiving dinner, when everyone is gathered around the table, might seem like a great time to discuss your gift purchasing plans, but that's actually a little late.
Why? Because, unlike a generation ago, Christmas Season now starts on Thanksgiving Day. Once it begins, people tend to think more emotionally than economically.
The shopping season begins in less than 24 hours when the megastores open their doors at 1:00 AM. Your relatives might already know what they plan to buy you, so they're less likely to be receptive to your ideas.
Sure, you can draw names on Thanksgiving Day, but decide now (through phone calls or e-mails) with your family the game plan and spending limit.
Today Christmas still seems distant, so it relieves some of the emotional element.
Mention the Benefits to Everyone:
When you broach the subject, if you talk about how you don't have money to buy everyone a gift, you open the door for someone who has less money, but who does plan on purchasing gifts for all, to think of you as simply cheap, not economical.
What's the solution? Mention how with the economy being uncertain you know everyone has been thinking about ways to save money. Let them know that being economical this year is the best gift everyone in the family can give each other.
Gather Your Supporters First:
Who in your family will be most receptive to the idea, and who will be the least? Contact the most receptive members first. Then, when you discuss it with the less receptive members, mention the others who are already on board.
"Aunt Janet, I was talking to Mom, Grandma, and Aunt Jackie, and with the economy being so uncertain right now, we're thinking we should just focus on buying gifts for the kids and teens. Then, instead of buying for all 16 of us, we can buy only for the seven little ones. Does that sound like a good new way to celebrate this year?"
Keep Your Word:
I received an e-mail once from a lady who just couldn't understand why her sister-in-law didn't accept her gift graciously. They had agreed not to exchange Christmas gifts, but this lady was much better off financially than her younger brother and his wife.
The young couple were about to move into their first home. Knowing they needed lots of things for the house, she gave them a $500 gift card. She wrote to me, "Christmas is all about giving. It gave me joy to share with them."
Do you recognize the problem with her reasoning? The gift the young couple wanted most of all was "no gift." She let her desire to "give" overrule the promise she had made. The good feeling she got from giving was her motivation. If her motivation had been to make them happy, she wouldn't have given them the gift at that time.
If you find something great for a relative, friend or co-worker, give it to her at a time when a gift in return isn't expected. Save it for her birthday or anniversary, or make it an I'm-thinking-about-you-today gift that you give to her in a few months. By doing this, you save her the awkwardness of not having a gift to give you in return.
What To Do When You Unexpectedly Receive a Gift:
When someone surprises you with a gift, even though the two of you had agreed not to exchange them, accept it graciously. As you hold the gift, nicely say, "I'm surprised by your present. We had agreed not to do this, so I don't have one for you in return." Then you can open the gift and thank the other person. "This ornament is lovely, Pat. Thank you."
Now you're free to drop the subject. Make sure not to buy the person a gift in return. Your word is your word; be true to it. Perhaps next year, or the year after, when you continue to keep your word, the other person will get the hint.
With Friends and Coworkers:
Agree now that this year instead of exchanging gifts you would like to spend time with the person. Plan a special weekend lunch or movie night where everyone pays their own tab. This way you've made memories. Hopefully, they'll last much longer than the usual gift.
With Your Children's Friends:
Same thing as above: plan a play date or movie day with everyone.
Grace Tip:
Remember, if you've agreed not to give gifts, then everything counts, including: Christmas ornaments or decorations, potted plants and flowers, small items, handmade crafts.
What can you give? Home-baked goodies are a great option. As you give the goodies, you can say, "I was in the kitchen making these and thought of you. I hope you'll enjoy them."
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