How to Be Everyone's Favorite Wedding Guest

Ask any bride-to-be and she'll agree the aroma of love floats through June. This traditional month for weddings has perhaps brought a few invitations to your mailbox. My family has been blessed to receive one that is very special to us.

Five years ago, we interviewed a college student for a part-time job watching our one-year-old. It was mutual admiration from the moment we met! My husband and I have been blessed with two little boys. This young lady has become the daughter we will never have but do have because she's in our lives. She has completed her master's degree, works in her chosen field, and this month, right out of a fairy tale, she'll marry her one-and-only!

I had forgotten what an emotional, financial, and time-draining experience organizing a wedding is until watching her and her parents plan a thousand details. She was so excited the day she mailed the invitations. I hope all the guests were as excited to receive them. If they were, they're keeping their enthusiasm to themselves. The wedding is just 26 days away, and most of them haven't responded.

When it comes to weddings, what might simply be another invitation to us is the culmination of someone else's dream. We acknowledge the bride's and groom's joy when we respond with excitement. The next time you find yourself pew-side at a wedding, here are your top tips for honoring the couple and celebrating their marriage in gracious style!




1. Be the first to RSVP! A quick response shows you're eager and honored to attend the wedding. A special touch is to write a note on the inside or back of the response card letting the couple know how happy you are for them. Something similar to, "We're counting down the days and looking forward to being with you!" sends a positive message to the bride and groom that their hard work is going to be a memory-making day for their guests.

2. If you can't attend the wedding, always write why (if it's not too personal) on the response card and let the couple know your good wishes for them. If you live nearby, it's nice to arrange a time after the wedding to celebrate with the newlyweds. You could write, "We're sad the timing of our long-planned trip is the same week as your wedding. We'll be thinking of you and would love to see every photo when you're back from your honeymoon! I'll call the first week of July to plan a night when we can all be together."

3. A wedding invitation is not transferable. If your spouse can't attend, it doesn't mean your sister or best friend can automatically fill in. Every guest is hand chosen and should be known by either the bride or groom. If a card is addressed to "Mr. Jonathan Thompson and Guest," then he's free to bring whomever. A bride should know the name of everyone at her wedding, even if she doesn't know them personally. For this reason, he should include the name of his guest on the response card. "Lauren McKnight, my girlfriend, will be my guest for the wedding. I look forward to introducing you!"

4. If you attend the reception, you are obliged to send a wedding gift, even if you gave a shower gift. In most cultures, gifts aren't opened at the reception, so they shouldn't be brought to the wedding. (It's a logistic nightmare to get them packed into a car and stored while the couple is on their honeymoon.) Gifts are best sent to the bride's home (or whatever return address was on the invitation) prior to the wedding. That way, she has the opportunity to open the gift and mail the thank-you card prior to the wedding.

5. If there's a receiving line, go through it. Keep your compliments and good wishes brief so the line moves quickly. Introduce yourself to each person you don't know, and never bring food or drink with you.

6. You may wear white or black to a wedding. Just make sure your white dress isn't lacey or beaded and your black dress couldn't be confused by others as what you wore to Great Uncle Billy's funeral.

7. In cases where the mother and father of the bride hosted the wedding, it's nice to send a note of appreciation following the event. Similar to sending a note after a dinner or party, this is your opportunity to thank the parents and congratulate them on a beautiful, romantic, flawless wedding!