Splitting the Tab Without Splitting Hairs

Usually I form my e-zine columns by using the essence of someone's e-mail without sharing the actual letter. Not this time. This letter is just too good. (I've edited it a little to protect his identity.) I've had this situation happen to me numerous times, and I bet you have, too. Read his letter and see if you relate!

The Letter:

Dear Maralee,

Thanks for your Monday Morning Manners! I'm amazed that you know all of these things!

My question is about paying for a meal. There have been many times when we've offered to treat but the other party insists on paying. How do you graciously hold your ground, and at what point do you let the other party pay?

Here's an example. Some friends were visiting and we said,
"We'd like to take you to lunch." It wasn't fast food,
but really casual. Someone from each family had to be at the counter to help carry the trays.

The order was totaled and I handed my debit card to the cashier. My friend whisked his card into the cashiers hand and said, "We're getting this."


It was like getting outbid on eBay at the last second!

I was a bit stunned, and all I could think to say was,
"Thank you." When I shared the story with my wife, she was mad at me.

What else could I have done?

All my best,
Keith

How to Handle the Situation:

Yep, I've been there more than once. We all have. You're right! There was nothing else you could have done at the moment that wouldn't have made the situation more awkward, especially for the poor cashier.

"Order and Pay Here" lines are supposed to move quickly. That wasn't the place to have a debit card showdown with your friend. Your simple verbal, "Thank you" was the right thing.

How can you keep it from happening again?

Well, you can't always. There's just no magic etiquette wand to wave the situation away, but following are the top tips for splitting checks without splitting hairs.

Being proactive is everyone's best defense, so these guidelines will help all of us the next time we find ourselves in the middle of the check wars.


Savvy Tips:
Be very clear in your invitation that you'll be picking up the check. "Suzie and Carl, we'd like you to be our guests at dinner next Tuesday." That should be enough. If you feel you need to make yourself doubly clear, you can add, "I hope you'll allow us the joy of treating you."
Saying, "Will you join me for lunch?" is a little too vague if you want the other person to know you'll be paying.

When you first sit down at the table, or as you're walking in the door of the restaurant, it's nice to send a little reminder. You can say something like, "Thanks again for being my guest" or, "I've been looking forward to treating you."

If the other party succeeds in paying at the last moment, simply say something like this: "Thank you. I thought you had agreed that I was going to treat you today. Next time we'll just go Dutch Treat."

For business meals, sometimes guests feel awkward thinking you're spending personal money on entertaining them. Try this, "To talk more about the Thompson account, let's meet over lunch. My firm is treating." Having the "firm" pay helps the guest feel like they aren't causing you a financial strain.

In many restaurants you can pay the bill before the meal. How you ask? Simple. Arrive a few minutes before your guests and explain to the hostess that you don't want the bill brought to the table. Either hand her your credit card then, or excuse yourself near the end of the meal and have the check waiting for you at the hostess stand. Always tip 20% for this service. Your guests will be quite impressed with your savvy forethought, and the awkwardness of the bill being put on the table is eliminated. Anytime I'm treating someone for a social or business meal I do this and it's always appreciated by my guests.

When splitting a bill between several friends, don't count pennies by saying, "My rigatoni was $14.99 and I just had water to drink." The bill is to be split evenly by the number of people at the table. Let's say six friends are dining together and the bill comes to $107.16. Here's what you would do. First add a 20% tip, because splitting the tab is extra work for the server. The new total is $128.59. Now divide by six. Each guest pays $21.43. Round up to $22.00 each and call it a night.

If you really did just have soup and water, you're correct-it's not fair to have to pay for food and drinks you didn't have. You can say prior to everyone splitting the bill, "Here's $10 that should more than cover my dinner and tip." However, only do this when your share of the food bill is significantly ($10 or more) lower than everyone else's.